SeeingRred
The Unburdening
I’ve been struggling with words the past few weeks. They come slow, stunted and disjointed, and land spattered on the page half-dead. I know why. Their passage is obstructed by omnivorous emotions and persistent stressors in hot pursuit. Sweet cajoling nor promises of refuge could lure them out.
Then, just when I almost lost hope, they stirred and danced. This is their movement, their volition, their design.
The Soul-Searching
“Sticks and stones” certainly do hurt, way past the initial strike(s). The brunt of the damage, the real destruction, occurs after, when our Body/Mind/Spirit tries to make sense of the fact that its personal, sacred space has been perforated and compromised. We internalize this as weakness and, in retaliation and in an attempt to regain control, Vulnerability battles Self Worth to the death.
The Denouement
Aside
It took me a LONG time to ask M to take my “Before” pics. The mere thought of it gave me an instant headache and made me want to gag! As I stood petrified in front of the stark, grey walls, I wondered if I should really be doing this. I felt the nervous tension in my body, summed up as fear. I acknowledged and accepted it. Then I exhaled with a smile and let it all hang out in time for the click.
R: In all the “Before” shots I’ve seen, the person is always standing there with a serious look on their face. I guess when put alongside the “After” shot with the person all made up and wearing the most brilliant smile, it shows what a miraculous transformation has occurred, eh? Should I be smiling?
M: Are you happy?
R: I’m not pleased with the state of my body and I don’t feel fully comfortable in the skin I’m in. But, I’m happy that I am finally strong.
M: Then SMILE! 😊
Lucy
I’m monopolizing your comment section, lol!
Well, it’s a bonus for me because none of your topics are controversial and I’m at a lesser risk of alienating people.
Umm, hello? First of all – great butt.
Second of all, thoughts of doubt and fears of judgement – they are familiar foes. Do you feel that now that they’re written down, you have released them? There is supposed to be a magic of sorts when putting things down in writing.
SeeingRred
Lol on many levels! You have my full permission to continue to “monopolize.” This is a learning process for me and I feel so thankful to get feedback and different perspectives. I appreciate all of your insight and take them to heart (and even put them into action!) As for the butt comment <<< Hahaha!!--You are awesome! 🙂 Writing is my therapy (always has been since I was a preteen and sketching/drawing even before that). It has gotten me through all of the difficult moments, when I felt I had no one to talk to and no outlet to relieve the unrelenting pressure in my head. And now, to do it publicly #GuiltFreeandShameless, responsibly, and only with the very best of intentions ... with every word, the noose loosens. It truly is magically transforming. Do you write/journal?