The Unburdening I had not seen her since June 2013, just prior to my youngest son being born. Soon after the birth, M. had assumed drop-off duty for our two older kids’ karate classes, so that I could spend some quality time with our new baby :). Now, February 2014, back into routines, I walked […]
The Unburdening – January 15, 2018 Blistery winds and minus weather could not keep me from my walk today. I tucked myself into bundles of warmth and layers of protection, determined to keep my promise. I felt capable and strong and invincible, as I strode along the nearly desolate paths, steering clear of icy patches […]
The Unburdening I’m reaching my climax. I’m at the highest of my lowest-of-the-lows. How do I know this? Because I have been here once before. Not more than 15 minutes ago, I was downstairs sitting alone in the dark, curled up in fetal position on my cream wing-back chair, my hands tightly interwoven, not in […]
The Unburdening I’ve been struggling with words the past few weeks. They come slow, stunted and disjointed, and land spattered on the page half-dead. I know why. Their passage is obstructed by omnivorous emotions and persistent stressors in hot pursuit. Sweet cajoling nor promises of refuge could lure them out. Then, just when I almost […]
The Unburdening I have this insurmountable fear. It has always been with me. Deep down, I am afraid that if I get too close or say too much and let people really get to know me, they will find out the truth… that I am stupid, weak and pathetic. Maybe that’s why I have a […]
I’ve been ruminating over my inability to pick myself up and it is literally driving me crazy. I am going in circles, trying to recognize and comprehend my ingrained patterns in hope that I can overturn them and somehow SUCCEED. I cannot help but ask myself, “Is it possible to succeed, thrive and ultimately be […]
The Unburdening I am at an all-time low. I know I have said that a few times before. And, when the words pealed out from me each time, I meant it and FELT it. Experience has taught me that even when you think Life can’t get any worse, it does. Its gnarly claw reaches for […]
The Unburdening It’s my first hot shower in three weeks. The feeling is truly indescribable. The water tumbles over me, tingling, soothing my body, healing my wounds, washing away the remnants. I feel clean and renewed, invigorated and clear. Back at home, in my own space, only now away from the pressure and chaos, I […]
When Ugly Came Back *Note: This morning, I was sitting on the toilet. I looked up at the mirror and saw my reflection. What I saw scared me and it stayed with me all day. This is my response. A couple of days ago, I looked up and saw that Ugly was back. I gasped […]
Survivor Depression is a dark and dirty word. It’s that age-old thing no one dares speak about. It’s what lurks in the periphery, casting eternal shadows and stills the heartbeat of its victims in perpetual limbo. Inflicted and conflicted, we are the undead. Here in body, not in spirit. Shrouded in protective darkness, fearful of […]