SeeingRred
It might sound like I’m losing my marbles, but I decided today I’m going to post this anyway. For those of you who know me well, you know I am a self-proclaimed skeptic. And, although I try my best to respect others and keep an open mind, I have never been a huge BELIEVER in anything (except maybe for being a Good, Loving & Kind human being:).
M introduced me to meditating 20+ years ago and, as much as I tried, back then the entire time I would sit in our house on the top of the hill, surrounded by glorious green fields and whispery breezes, getting more and more frustrated by the minute with the barrage of thoughts and loathsome images that would invade my brain the moment I closed my eyes. Meditation for me was anything but peaceful. It was a lot of work!
Years later, we tried again with Deepak & Oprah at the helm, hoping that the wisdoms and calming mantras of this dynamic duo would offer guidance and a cure for our intolerable insomnia. FYI… I came across the entire set yesterday, recently placed on the top shelf in M’s office, all but a couple still wrapped in cellophane.
A few years ago, with meditation and spiritual trends on the rise, a broken me thought, “Why not?” It gave me relief to know that I was trying something… anything. Finding a quiet space with a cup of tea and my pink chenille blanket, and setting aside time for self-care brought me comfort. So I continued. It became a daily practice. My mind was still bombarded, but eventually I learned to tip my hat and send the distractors merrily along their way. I don’t know exactly when, but the thoughts/ideas/images started to show up differently. I let them stay. They became playful, expressing themselves in full colour and synchronous patterns. And they helped me to make sense of my world in a fresh, new way.
Only now as I write, I am understanding that somewhere along the way, these colourful thoughts became mine. They are a refraction of light, of beautiful white Light, and I feel connected to it. Dare I say that I feel more connected to It than I ever have to anything?? Even as I think it, I know how weird it must sound and I don’t really know what to make of it all. The only thing I can say is that, like always, I’m Speaking My Truth. That’s what I’m holding on to. I’ve been keeping record and my hope is that one day it will all make sense.