SeeingRred
I was at a very low point in my life. I did not know who I was anymore.
The most basic thing that rooted me and held me steady had dissolved. I had nothing. And, after the shock of rupture and my public bleeding, I felt only nothingness. I stayed there for a little while, in this nothingness, heavy-hearted, lost, and barely able to see beyond the day. I would have stayed. But apathy arose. And, with it, great discomfort. The disturbance of fearful compliance, the distress of failure time and again, and the dis-ease of life without connection and purpose tormented me.
I rose up from the caverns of despair, smoldering from fiery rage, absolved and free. But, like a bird clipped of one wing, I faltered, unaware of my possibility. All I knew was that I wanted more. I jumped and, as the ground slipped from under me, the world opened up. Living it, I perceived it only as I could. So I did not see this risk for what it was — a choice, an opportunity, a new beginning.
I was the blank canvas. And, for the first time in my life, without knowing it, I asked the universe for all that I wanted.